No Intimacy: Did You Say Something Wrong?

Mad WifeI think I have an idea on why men don’t get more of IT. Not only is it about what you say, but it is also about what you do. Don’t you know that the way to a woman’s cupcake is through her heart? And nothing can spoil a cupcake like doing any of the following scenarios. And, if your wondering, I learn by experience.

  1. Walking around naked has never lead to anything positive. It took me 4 and 1/2 years to own up and just quite trying.
  2. Forgetting your wife’s birthday and wedding anniversary in the first year of marriage will close the bedroom doors for months. The worst part is that we didn’t get a comfortable couch till the second year of marriage.
  3. The discussion of God’s plan with pregnancy will only anger your wife. I really thought saying “take it up with the big man” was a great response to her complaining about morning sickness.
  4. I thought she would be happy to hear me say that she was a good babysitter. I had bath and bed duty forev…still to this day!
  5. Asking a strange man in the airport about the science of flight will only embarrass her. It didn’t help that this man had a weird resemblance to The Joker! Who wears make-up at the airport if your not a woman?
  6. Telling your wife to do the dishes because it makes you happy only creates a  bigger pile of dishes.
  7. Despite the similarities, your wife will never want to hear that she acts like her mom.
  8. It doesn’t matter  how much you make or how long your work day is, your work is always equal to hers. Don’t ask me how I know.
  9. Asking your wife to eliminate hair cuts for the sake of the budget will only create a higher shopping bill.
  10. Ordering your meal in Spanish at a high-end steak house will only ruin your evening. It doesn’t matter if you thought it was funny.
  11. “That’s what she said!” This funny overused quote is not appropriate during an OBGYN appointment.

I can’t believe I am still married. If I have not said it before, I Lov…PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!

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4 Comments

  • August 3, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    Man I had to laugh at most of these since I’m fairly certain I have experienced most of them at one point or another..Great post

  • August 3, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    Woow I couldn’t have agreed more with the list. I know when My boyfriend do not do the dishes, it only creates bigger pile. I like your list :) I can relate to it.

  • September 27, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    Well, I hope soon to be husbands learned something from this post? I had a great laugh.. peace!

  • October 8, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    I have been married for 16 years. I must say I LOVE your list. My husband has done all of the above LOL. In fact, I need to show this list to a friend. Her husband tried number 8 and even HIS mom wouldn’t back him up.

    Thanks for the laugh

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